David Sykes

LOL this vid is sweet

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BSNEY3Zzhb0

The Fest, a bar in Fulham near Parsons' Green tube station. First night for yankee in London and that's where we went and it was fantastic. Good food, good beer and some English guy wearing lederhosen acting German. Brilliant.

You have got to watch this movie. It is stunning.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6238953685626218421

Well I managed to last three days, count 'em, in outbound tele-sales before packing it in. The day after I quit I had an interview with an agency to see if they could find me anything and it happened to end just about the time that the lunch breaks for my 3 day job where so I met up with the group that I had started with. Well one of them quit straight after that lunch break, I had given her a business card for the job agency I had gone to, and another quit later that day. So needless to say I don't feel so bad about not sticking with it now.

So this coming Tuesday I have a job interview for what could be my first ever 'real' job. Salaried, nine to five, wearing a tie. Wish me luck.

So it turns out that after having booked my train tickets (luckily very cheap) I will not be able to come up to the Boro until Monday 21st Nov now. But at least I am and I will almost certainly be up til the Sunday.

Cya all soon.

Hello there folks, I've just started up a new blog called Philosophy Corner (http://philosophyisking.blogspot.com) devoted to discussing everything from the meaning of life to the mystery of Emo.

I'll be sending out invites very shortly, and I hope you'll stop by the Corner and make your views heard. If I don't know your email address, I can't give you an invite!

Peace Out.

Well at the moment I cant sleep worth a damn it is quarter past seven in the morning and I have been wanting to go to bed since like 2am but haven't managed to get my ass in there hopefully writing this out will kick in some small part of my subconscious and I will finally be able to hit the sack. I have just realized that I can finally truly touch type although for some reason I am not entirely convinced I know where the Y is at all times.

I am still without a job here in London although the college course seems to be going ok but I really need to get my ass into study/reading/mock exam taking mode, but we all know that aint gonna happen til my sister gets back and I actually feel the need to be a real person again.

One of the things I will always miss the most and not just because of leaving Middlesbrough were the games of DnD that I ran at my flat from about August/September time through to February I think maybe someone can correct me on that in 2004-2005. I do not think I will ever get to experience the kind of bastardized camaraderie that we shared for those months and that saddens me in a way that is very difficulty to articulate. Before going to college I had never really been confident of my self and somehow ever since then I have been getting more and more self assured and I really think you guys helped me grow. I know I never learned how to budget while I was in Middlesbrough but it would appear (appear is very very very circumstantial at the moment) that everything is going ok on that front finally. I am cooking for myself more, walking to places that I could get the bus to and just generally getting on with life. I know that if it had not been for coming to Middlesbrough and well and truly tossed off two years of my life I would not be as comfortable with what looks to be my future, at least for now. Even having said that though if someone offered me the chance to relive those months, the good and the bad, I would in a heartbeat. Not all of you were always my friend, some of you hurt me and you either knew you would be doing so or damn well should have and yet still I would go back and relive those months. Sometimes we have had fallings out about petty insignificant things and I can not help but try and analyze them somehow but I have decided I am just going to move on and for every memory I have I don't like I will tie it in with at least a dozen I hope never to forget. Any time I think of Simon I always remember how much he pissed us off but at the same time how much of a release he was for the groups tensions and general misdirected rage. Any time I think of Carl I remember the stupid things he has done and how badly we had a go at him and almost never he complained (would we have stopped, I hope we would have and did?) and I always remember the times he was there for me when noone else was and I would dearly like to think that I was there when you needed me. Matty managed to rarely piss me off but it was always like a dagger in the spine when he did, don't know what it was about you sometimes but I think it was mutual and only came about when we where both in a bad mood, that in its own right I suppose speaks of the good times the til 9am CS sessions, the putting my keys in an envelope and posting them to me because I was in bed, the discussing where out campaigns where headed in the fervent hope that at least one player would be on our side. Chris you piss me off so badly cause for some reason you could seem to have so much potential, same with you Adam, and never quite manage to do anything with it one day (soon hopefully) an opportunity will cross your path and that will be it either jump on and hope for the best or drift away into obscurity. I would like to stress that neither option is ideal and both have pros and cons so in the end I hope the choices you make are the ones you want not what anyone else wants, because despite what other people say whatever makes you happy, whatever makes you feel complete is something to be strived for whatever the cost. Leady I doubt you'll ever get to read this but someone might point you here so who knows. Thankyou. For being just willing to have someone come into your domain and never ask them to leave, maybe you complained about me behind my back maybe you didn't I don't ever need to know all that mattered was when I had nowhere else to go nothing else to do somehow wasting my days talking with you didn't seem like such a waste. Dale again maybe you'll read this maybe you won't but cheers man. I thought for a while I would never be able to find people that where like the ones I had already met and I would be stuck with 'normal' people for the rest of my days. To some random guy I met in London at one of my sisters friends barbecues, thanks for telling me that no matter what it doesn't matter as long as you enjoy it. Ollie might be the most difficulty person for me to write about on here. For some reason we never got to be 'friends' really and all I can put it down to is you where the first person that hurt me out of anyone I met in Middlesbrough, it might never have crossed your mind that I did psyche warfare in America who knows maybe you didn't believe I had been and done those things. God knows I doubt I look/looked the part but what in fucks name did you think I thought you had to show Yankee upstairs at your house when Lisa was trying to get me thrown out of that house on Pelham street? I say Lisa not Alex and Lisa because I know better, how? Alex told me. I mean really I could not believe you would do that while I was in the house and then later that night tell lies about me to make yourself look good. Actually yeah I can. And I think that is why it hurt me more I could never trust you, because I had been there done that and I would never trust me either. So I am sorry when I don't answer your calls half the time I really don't get them and the other half I guess I must be feeling vulnerable but at least when we do talk it is about something. Oh and btw I know I said I'd ring you but I ended up spending all day Sunday fixing my PC cause it major league bricked on me. Still I had fun all those nights we played MTGO til stupid times in the morning. Yankee us two had/have? too much in common to have packed in like we did I'll never know how it happened or why but I think it was when you got your own flat that we drifted. I mean sometimes it seems like I speak to you more since I left Boro than when I was up there those last months. I know you're in a bad place right now and I offer my sympathies and I deeply hope that you get whatever it is that makes you happy cause very few people I have met deserve to be happier than you. My memories of you are all in restaurants when it was just you and me and some fine waitresses. I can't believe it took me over a year to get up to asking you if Ollie had said what I think he said that night and I couldn't believe that you could remember it. Maybe I will feel stupid about having written all this but I will be damned if I have sat at my computer for 45 minutes and not post this. I have no idea but I swear I am missing someone of this list. Maybe it will come to me. Maybe I'm thinking of my flat. I cannot believe it has been three months, a quarter of a year and nothing has really changed. I could blink and be sitting in a broken ass chair in front of a PC playing Counter Strike while Chris beats Carl on Soul caliber 2 and we all call him a cock for blocking with Yankee in the kitchen making Tacos, Adam playing some stupid deck against Dale and Matty on the kitchen table dale with something containing swamps and matty playing a deck he really shouldn't. The twice weekly hunt for the DM Screen. The feet of death. The three death without save effects in a row that hit Simon. The seven character deaths in two session with only two players controlling them. The using random treasure tables. Hiding in broad daylight by laying on the floor. Silencing bags full of kittens. The minotaurs. Simon and the minotaurs. Matty coming to the conclusion I am so right wing I'm a bleeding heart liberal and back round to right wing. I think in all my time in Middlesbrough the one thing I would like to have done while I was there but am glad I didn't know I have left is gotten laid. Strange that don't you think? I don't know why I am happy I didn't but maybe that's because we all secretly love the unknown and regret losing that innocence when we have been there. Anyway I am knackered and it is now 8:04 am so I will go to bed and set my alarm for three in the afternoon so I can get up and go to college. May the sun always be on your back and a cool breeze be on your face (yes its not right but we're geeks dammit). Seize the day.

yours,

-David Jonathan Sykes

I have never taken a picture of Chris without him getting demon eyes. Seriously how daft is that. Anyway Chris came down to London for a week and this is pretty much the only proof so here you are.

Well this is the case of the maching I am currently using to school people on Counter Strike : Source with. And yeah it owns.

Well this post is going to be short cause this is the bomb of all PSP games at the moment although I am going to get coded arms shortly.

Well it looks like I am going to completely school this course like I thought I would, strike one up for the man. Basically all I need now is a job and a girlfriend so I am not going to rush at the moment ;)

Well today I finally got signed up on my college course and start on Saturday the 17th and am so looking forward to it. Wish me luck.

-David

Today I write to you not from a pc but from a games console specifically the PSP. I have it hooked up via wifi and I think it kicks ass, buy one now.

Well today my two sisters and I went to a driving range and wacked some golf balls around. Luckily I kind've knew what I was doing so I didn't look like a complete tool, alas not so lucky for my sisters. Anyway this is just a quick one to let you know that I'm taking up golfing and getting some lessons in the non too distant future and so is my sister who lives down here so should be fun.

Hurry up and get my camera back Chris.

Well yesterday I finally moved down to London and have spent the last 48 hours just mosying around with my two sisters and getting to see some of the restraunts / bars that are on offer in the surrounding area and have already picked out a few for the guys from Boro to visit if / when they decide to come pay me a visit. The first thing I did when I got down here was to get the broadband installation under way so that is ordered for setup on Thursday the 8th so fingers crossed that will actually work this time and I won't be stuck with 56k for much longer, although I did manage to find the phone socket in my bedroom that has the working line so thats not too bad. Tomorrow I am off to a driving range to hit golf balls at 50 yard flags knowing my skills. Here's hoping all you muppets are fine and ill cya all on or around the 13th of October. PS someone keep reminding paul to have those models ready by then. Ciao.

Well today I went all the way to Leeds for a BUPA health check just to be told what I pretty much knew already but lets face it I have never been one to get bored of being told I'm right. Other than the arthritis and being excessively overweight I am perfectly healthy with a cholesterol that pwns you probably. I'm waiting on some tests coming through the post which I imagine in order to spite me will say that I am going to die upon receiving them.

In other new Archos are ace.

Well today I had nothing really to do and as I was in Wakefield I gave a few of my mates a ring to see what they where doing, this resulted in one of them meeting me in town tommorow and no reply from the rest. So when I got a call at 4pm from John asking what I was upto and telling him that I was down in Wakefield so he told me he had just finished work and had a few hours to kill so we got a coffee in a Cafe Nero that has been opened in Wakefield since the last time that I was down so I was impressed. We got chatting about gaming which lead to us swinging by Argos and buying some Yugioh decks. We didn't go straight back to mine first we headed to my favourite bar in Wakefield, Mex Millenium, for a swift pint of cocktail, then we headed back to mine to watch the rest of the cricket, bleedin' Ossies, and play a few games of Yugioh and I do have to say it is really easy to play and I do recon it would be worth you guys up in Boro to get into if for no reason other than its dirt cheap to by 'Structure Decks' which are like MTG precons only they don't suck balls. I know you guys are prejudiced as hell and since I have pretty much forfeited MTG in favour of VTES you probably think I am just a stark raving lunatic for liking Yugioh, but ask yourself this 'Where the hell is MTG going in the next few years?' anyway you guys need to save some cash up for a trip to Ireland around Christmas time I would say at least two hundred fifty each for flights and one weeks accomodation. Anyhoo get yourselves jobs those of you that aren't Ollie, Dale or Matty (til he gets sacked).

Looking forward to seeing you guys again and that might be not too far away as I have too much time to kill down here in Wakefield otherwise see you on the other side.

-If I die today I want to take as many of you worthless fuckers with me as I can. trans Aiee Kamikaze

So far everyone has commented on the subject apart from me. The Borbon
So I Will keep mine short. Good luck J!

Everyone seems to have mentioned everything else and so long as you keep posting or emailing us then it is not really the end just a different situation in which to converse across.

Admittedly Dave cannot now say he’s the best and then annoy Chris for three hours while they play Tekken or Soul Calibre to see if he is right (mainly Dave was right). We will also have no one to have a multiplayer game of something with or somewhere to do it when Dave leaves Middlesbrough. It will also remove some of the fun that we have had together over the past 2 years and marks the end of an era. This will be the month when the toolbox of Middlesbrough disbands and also when the muppetry ends

It will also mean the loss of another friend from the gaming community of Middlesbrough the Geek-sexual known as Chris has now tried to sever his ties with the gaming community due to lack of “Time”. He has found the joy of “music” and will now spend more of his time talking, getting drunk, being skint and listening to his music. Good Luck not sure whether it will be more of a rebirth as a removal from what he deems as un-cool and not a good subject to talk about in public. I believe it will be more of a baptism in fire. Remember Chris Jesus loves you everyone else thinks you’re a c**t (Joke). And remember Bruce Banner never changed back from the Hulk (not Hogan) unless he was in need of his anger (agro) i.e being shot at buy the police, flat tyre and so on

This shows the two sides of the hypothetical coin. There is a third side to the coin. ME and where I fall. Dave is having a new beginning and so is Chris (Attempting) but both in different ways (each side of the coin covers the other so one is mentioned but not the other). Dave is moving and Chris is moving on. I am staying the same and adapting to the changes brought about by these two events eventually the coin will land on its side and both events will happen but until then.
Say Knorr to Pandas and Otters. Hope you all the best
The Borbon (Adam)
“I am not a communist I am a man a free man”

BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Who really cares where David is going or what he is doing, it sounds really boring, cant we move on to something else?!?!?!


LOL!!! I'm just kidding!! well since i dont know you (any of you really), i cant say if i think you'll do well or if you wont. But i can say that i hope all goes well and that you dont end up back home, broke and without a job, at least not until after the new year, cause i dont have any idea how to get around London. lol j/k
But honestly you'll do great if you use your head as much as it sounds like you do.

caitlin

A big hello to everyone, as it's been a while since I've posted anything on Dave's site.

I know there have been a lot of updates recently, most of them regarding Dave leaving the wasteland that is Middlesbrough. Good on him, I say. He's moving to a decent part of London, getting some more education and escaping the various 'characters' that have sprung up in the last couple of years.

Waterdeep will never be the same without him...maybe.

Moving swiftly on, it's time to comment again about my arch-nemesis, Labrador Boy. Aside from obvious comments about his lying and/or cheating antics, he still continues to baffle scientists with his ability to spit his dummy at the slightest provaction, as well as actually huffing when in a huff! What...what is it boy? Trouble at the old mill? No, well f*** off then!

Anyway, aside from this neverending torment (until murder becomes legal), I'd just like everyone to raise a glass for Dave's departure from the 'Boro. Cheers! Salute! Yamas!

[This was a public service announcement brought to you by the evil, sadistic trolls at S.T.W. International. We acknowledge that we are definetly NOT a family company. Any evidence of the Labrador Boy having charisma is purely fictional]

--------------------------------------------------
Slave To Work - muppetryinmotion.blogspot.com

David Sykes

Evening to all, this is the only the second post i have ever published on Davids blog, amazing i know especially with my mouth.

As you may all know, David is leaving Middlesbrough, I will be the first to say that I think it is a good thing simply because there is a wider range of oppourtunitys for him to put into perspective, plus he shall be doing what he wants to do. In his new setting of London and I am greatly anticipating the phone call he shall place to me saying he has "broke" his new laptop. All though this may not happen, simply because he will not be surrounded by people who have a tendancy to destroy things... i am of course talking about a certain person, which the letters "L" "C" "R" and "A" re-arrange to form his name (yes there are two answers if the person in question tries to spell his own name).

I myself have been looking after David's current home, hence why it is still tidy, despite the few partys that have been had. It will be said that his internet has been used much the same way as if he was here, though me myself downloaded different videos to his "special" videos. Also the curtain rail has thus proved itself shite again after being repaired by the ever energetic ninja Matthew Anderson, which reminds me that I myself have not seen him or most of the tools sinse David's sudden departure.

As David has already indicated, yes it is the end of an era and i am sure that the leaving party was sufficient occasion to depart on.

Drawing this post to a close, I would like to wish all the best of luck to David in his new setting, whatever he choose's to do.

V for Vendetta is the next (third) comic book I will be buying on reccomendation from Matty with the intention of reading it in a very small number of days as im sure it will be brilliant. My main point regarding this topic is that on one of the many news sites that I frequent I discovered that Natalie Portman is actually going to be starring in the movie of the comic book. That coupled with the Batman Vs Superman (Dark Knight Returns) movie adaptation in the works makes me wonder whether they will actually make a The Watchmen movie, which is something I would dearly like to see. These three comics are the ones that Matty reccomended that I read and all of them so far have been amazing.

Erm not much more to say really other than grats man and good luck with it.

14500

;)

Well I have finally chosen the educational establishment that I am going to be attending for a while at least here in London. Luckily very easy to get to via public transport, which makes a nice change.

First I do not think this movie is bad by any stretch of the imagination. Yeah parts blew chunks but almost every movie I have seen in the last year and probably most of the movies I have seen in my life had parts like that. It just did not have any parts that made up for the sub standard parts. Graphically speaking the movie kicked ass. As far as the acting went I was not really all that disappointed. The only problem I really had with this movie and the one made in 1953 is that the book never implied that the aliens were (sorry martians) invincible in the way that they are portrayed in both movies, they where still easy to destroy just very difficult to hit with the technology of the time. Obviously in order to make that believable in this day and age that they needed some form of shielding around each of the 'walkers' (reminded me very much of the ones in Half Life 2, which you should own by now) otherwise they manage to keep fairly close to the way the book was written just updated to match the technology of out day.

I felt that the end of the movie would have been much improved by the death of at least one if not all of Tom Cruises characters family members. It was in the words of Yankee too improbable for one man to be so lucky and it is this lack of realism which degrades the overall enjoyment of the film.

All in all worth seeing. I would actually recommend that you see the movie then buy the book and read it if you even slightly enjoyed the film.

Well guys its official I am leaving the boro effective 31st of July and no later. My flat is being taken over by the second person who came to look at it if any of you remember who I mean the semi-goth chick or something. I'd spend some time reminiscing but alas at the moment I am kindve pushed for time with looking for a job and other kind've important stuff.

End of an era :(

No more Matty destroying my walls. No more Carl destroying everything. No more Adam throwing up in my bath. No more Chris destroying my toilet rolls. No more...

This is just a real quick post to let you all know that Im away for a while I am supposed to be going to London although with recent event this may or may not be the case. Either way I might be offline for a while so keep up the good work without me if you would.

As an interesting side note it would to me appear that the bus bombing was an accident/mistake as it was apparently filled with people who had been lead out of the tube station. This would suggest that the attacks where probably suicidal in nature and that as the bomber was not allowed to follow through with their attack on the tube itself found the bus to be a perfectly reasonable target of opportunity.

In the next few days I would imagine that one or more attacks will occur worldwide and that we wont see quite the same 'War on Terror' response we saw after September 11 but a far more measured response unless the attacks get out of hand.

Hey David, Happy Birthday

This is the restaurant that I shall be having my leaving do / birthday party in. For those of you who lack the sluthing abilites the address is 124 Borough Road, Middlesbrough.

How ropey does this man look?

So Matty has decided to try being my accountant again, last time he lasted three days, and help me get my budget sorted out, get rid of my credit cards etc. Hopefully this time all will go swimmingly and I will stop being a fucktard with money.

Pandas.

Chris does not get the link between these two words. Knorr = Pandas.

Here's a hint. Go on Google. Type in 'Knorr' and 'Panda' press the Return key.

Totally Sweet

And Chris says he doesn't have any porn!

Otters kick ass and I value their opinions greatly and so should Carl or is that carl? Anyway I think it is wrong to discriminate against one particular group of animals if he should ignore the opinions of all otters then surely he must ignore all sentient beings views in order to maintain a PC opinion of the matter, which I believe would mean he must ignore his own convictions and go ask some abiotic organisms what their verdict is.

And in future I think that you should be more compassionate towards the needs of members of the Otter Family.

Well yesterday I nearly killed myself in the shower. And I know have a new found respect for all those idiots out there who have done so. I mean almost everything that could have gone wrong did go wrong and still I only managed to partially hurt myself, nothing permanent no bruising etc. I slipped, pushed the glass partition so that it know hangs loose, landed on my back on the side of the bath, bounced, rolled over and landed both hands out of the bath and there my tumble ended one hand in the toilet one hand on the floor my lower body still in the bath I crawled out, stood up, put my towel on and left the bathroom to tell all my friends why they had heard **squee-thud-thud-agh-splash-thud-owieowieowie-ahhhhh-oooo-ahhhh**. Suffice to say I have to wonder what extra effort I needed to perform in order to actually kill myself, or worse paralyse myself.

Cool while looking up how many people died in the shower I came across this sweet FAQ on nuclear weapons its pretty sweet.

At some point I will find out how many people kill themselve in shower but for the moment I am going to keep looking at nuclear arsenals.

Well it has been well over a quarter of a year since my last post on here and so much has changed.

Both Carl and I got jobs at the same company, I quit cos it was doing my back in and the pay sucked balls Carl got fired for incompetence (at least thats my story and I'm sticking to it).

We all apart from Adam visited my mothers house in Wakefield while we stopped over for two seperate Magic : The Gathering tournaments.

We had a rather reasonably priced mexican meal. wink-wink-nudge-nudge.

Carl got a job in some balls call centre which he got fired from for incompetence (not really he hated his job this time).

We're in the middle of cleaning my flat for this friday as my father is coming to visit me to help sort out my finances. So I am basically fucked.

Simon got fired from his job for not being Garlands Call Centres material. Such a bitter sweet taste. He is now working in Music Zone which to be honest is probably better than working at Garlands.

I am still looking for a job that I might be interested in, however I would much rather do something meaningful with my life so I believe I have anoter couple of years to go before my misspent idealism disappears and I become a bitter twisted shell of a man.

Adam recently found a flag in his attic that his parents won't let him hang up and he refuses to lend me it so I can have it in my flat. It is a 9x6 (I believe) USSR flag. I even have the perfect place to put it but nooo. Git.

Adams cat died very recently it had been deteriorating over the last few months and finally had to be put down just last saturday.

I can count the number of weeks to my birthday on one hand (only if some inbreedings involved though) and I am very much looking forward to it so for anyone whos interested I am sure you know someone who knows my email address so get on with it and ask me if you can come. Meal. Drinks. Drunk. Strip Club. Passing Out. Pizza. Walking to HSBC so that Chris can drop kick the safety deposit box and declare himself victor. The usual. Anyway July 2nd and don't get me a card. Seriously.

-David (AKA not the man cos thats Bill)

This is a little shot drink I came up with a couple of months back. See I have this thing about drinking it almost always has to taste nice in order for me to drink it. I really do not see the point in beer, any of those nasty ass liqourice flavoured drinks etc. When I drink I want it to taste nice AND get me wasted.

Hence the Pink Russian was the first drink I have ever helped create it started out as me asking for a Red Russian as a joke and Alex trying to make it. What came out was maybe one of the nicest ways of drinking 2 shots of vodka ever.

The Gummi Bear Shot is a similar concoction. Leave me in a room with nice alcohol and I will create nice drinks and this is the mother of all shots. It really is nice to drink but man it looks like the nuclear waste in Half Life 2.

I will post the recipes on here at some point I cannot completely remember them at this moment given it is 2 am and my alcohol is way over in the kitchen.

Anyway remember to drink responsibly and most importantly slap Carl.

Well as I type this the fourth day of 2005 is just beginning.

So far this year I have done essentially nothing.

On the plus side nothing muppetry wise has occured.

Only three hundred and sixty one days to go until the next time I can say this I am sure.

Hope everyones new year celebrations went well and that they have a very prosperous new year.

Chris is currently getting changed and explaining to me about how he slept with some WOMAN on my lounge floor while I was away on holiday.

This is after we went out for a walk after being extremely plastered and he attempted to shoulder barge Adam across a road and missed and hit a Safety Deposit Night Safe (Large Steel and very Imobile).

So when he wakes up tommorow his arm is gonna fucking sting.

HE IS STILLL FUCKING DRUNK.

PISSED UP BASTARD.

Anyway more importantly he got stood up earlier.
WHOOORRREEE.

Oh the woman on my floor had only known him for half an hour at the most. I mean DAMN. I thought his previous bird was a Slag but seriously DAMN.

Man, I'm going to have a sore head in the morning!

We have purchased and drunk at least £80's worth of alchohol. Carl is passed out in the hallway, and I've bagsied the comfy chair.

Rum is the source of all evil. And Baileys. And Vodka...whatever.

Shitfaced...Shitfaced....Shitfaced....Shitfaced!

Have a very, very jolly new year!


SlaveTo Work

Your Friendly Local Pisshead

1 : SOMEONE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SLAP CARL
2 : Comic book store guy I'ill stick with Duck its so easy to misspell.
3 : HIT HIM AGAIN
4 : SlaveToWork's address is muppetryinmotion.blogspot.com if thats the right way of spelling it
5 : Matty bring back my bastard camera
6 : Leave the naked fae photos on it
7 : JUST HIT CARL
8 : GOTO 7

Well at the moment I am down at my sisters house in Doncaster.

9 : Chris just reminded me someone slap Adam too.

And I am having a very enjoyable time.

10 : Make sure Paul is coming out on the 29th

Well I am more than looking forward to our new years eve party fiasco whatever on the 29th.

11 : I don't care what he says make Paul join us.

Well I am gonna go.
I hope everyone got for Christmas what they wanted.
Or in Carls case what he deserved.

This is a post for all members of the GDCI and the public in general. Our members have been creating their own blogs in an attempt to take over the world. Please do not panic. The muppets involved have neither the experience nor the evil minions (unless you count Mr Anderson) to pose a true threat to our wonderful planet.

However, on a more local level, you may find that the Toolmaster General can cause you to walk into inanimate objects, the Borbonator can cause sleep in the most wide awake and attentive listener and the Crying One, (who has yet to write a blog site - be warned), who will whinge about anything and everything and make you bleed from your ears with his ultrasonic complaining. There is also the Slave to Work - we have yet to discover his powers. And Mr Anderson - even more scary than the construct from the Matrix. Of course, we would all amount to nothing if not for our valiant leader - Comic Book Shop Guy - yes, Duck, I am referring to you. Everyone else has a persona, I have determined this will be yours. If you don't like it, just think, I am known as Septic Tank (for those of you who don't know - think of rhyming slang and the colonies). As to myself, well, I will let that lot tell you about me. (God help Me!)

Rest in pieces, Labrador Boy. We won't miss you in the slightest.

I am a member of GDC and now you can view my blog by going to

http://theborbon.blogspot.com/

You can also view the tool himselfs (carl) website by going to

http://the-farce.blogspot.com

Vistit them or we will will send round ninja matty to kill everyone cas some one once called him a name and he killed the entire city (atlantis)

Well I am going awawy for Christmas and will not be back until some time next week.

Don't stop TOOL now


...Tonight I’m gonna have myself a real good time
I feel alive and the world turning inside out yeah!
And floating around in ecstasy
So don’t stop carl now don’t stop him
’cause he's having a good time having a good time

I’m a shooting star leaping through the sky
Like a tiger defying the laws of gravity
I’m a racing car passing by like lady godiva
I’m gonna go go go
There’s no stopping carl

Carl's burning through the sky yeah!
Two hundred degrees
That’s why they call him mister muppet man
I’m trav’ling at the speed of light
I wanna make a monotone man out of you

Don’t stop carl now he's having such a good time
He's having a ball don’t stop carl now
If you wanna have a good time just give adam a call
Don’t stop carl now (’cause he's havin’ a good time)
Don’t stop carl now (yes he's havin’ a good time)
He don’t want to stop at all

I’m a rocket ship on my way to mars
On a collision courseI am a satellite I’m out of control
I am a sex machine ready to reload
Like an atom bomb about to
Oh oh oh oh oh explode

Carl's burning through the sky yeah!
Two hundred degrees
That’s why they call him mister muppet man
I’m trav’ling at the speed of light
I wanna make a monotone woman of you

Who's Lisa?
Who's Lisa? ho ho ho!
Who's Lisa? Who's Lisa? ooh ooh ooh (She likes it)
Who's Lisa? Who's Lisa?
Have a good time good time
Don’t stop carl don’t stop carl ah

Carl's burning through the sky yeah!
Two hundred degrees
That’s why they call him mister muppet man
I’m trav’ling at the speed of light
I wanna make a monotone man out of you

Don’t stop carl now he's having such a good time
He's having a ball don’t stop carl now
If you wanna have a good time just give adam a call
Don’t stop carl now (’cause he's havin’ a good time)
Don’t stop carl now (yes he's havin’ a good time)
He don’t want to stop at all


Always bet all your money on a 9 ;)

Well today (as in Tuesday) we will be having a party at mine hopefully Matty will remember to bring my camera (twat).

So we'll be starting at about 6pm so be there dick 'eds.

Well other than winning the worlds longest game title this game completely kicks ass.

The campaign is really quite sweet. Im currently ending the good campaign.

Only problem is the REALLY REALLY REEAALLYY effective orc rush that can be done.

Well Christmas is fast approaching and for the 19th consecutive year I won't be getting what I want for Christmas, which doesn't really bother me. What does bother me however is the damn Christmas card fiascos that we are expected to go through. I mean if I don't speak to someone all year but send them a card at Christmas thats considered keeping in touch? Or is it supposed to be symbolic that I remembered about them still depsite not having anything to say to one another for a year? Or maybe it is just that Christmas cards are an outdated form of keeping in touch with one another. If I receieved a christmas card from everyone that I have spent more than half an hour with in meaninful conversation I would be inundated with cards, so why if we talk only once a blue moon does sending a Christmas card seem OK?

I met a guy from Clinton Cards upper management once he seemed like a really great guy, and he let me in on a few details about the way they are so popular. Apparently as human beings we have all kinds of things we would like to express to one another in ways that could be considered too far, and with the possibility of not only some form of rejection but maybe even the loss of a friendship or something else we are usually loathe to go out on a limb. Thats why you will see people looking for ages for the card that says the right thing, it's not that they are too lazy to write it out themselves it's that if they didn't actually write it they always have some form of protection from any consequences. "It's only a card" is apparently a design slogan that should be kept in mind when we think of all the 'popular' arguments we could hear between people "they're only words" is my favourite in the No Shit awards. Of course it is only a card/words etc but it is the meening that is behind those words that we should stand by whatever the outcome.

I was once told that the ultimate soldier would not be one that would obey all orders or be the perfect killing machine etc, it would be a human being who was incapable of considering consequences. Now I personally think that this sounds close to the lack of a conscience kind of thing they wanted to do, but apparently that is not even close. Imagine all those things that you do every day that are inconsequential to you, now imagine that somewhere out there was a group of people who feel the same way but with regards to killing other people.

Think about it this way, take my approach to spending money about seventy five percent of the time. Now apply it to going to a foreign country armed with a gun and being told that everyone there is out to kill you.

This has made me think about a movie I saw recently called dog soldiers. Theres a part of the movie where one of the soldiers has applied to be in the British Special Air Service and is told to kill a dog and he will be accepted into the SAS. He not only doesn't kill the dog but then goes onto try and kick the Captain or somethings ass. Why? Why won't he shoot the dog? Does he have an ethical problem with killing an animal? I personally would.

Apparently the correct answer is he won't shoot the dog, because doing so would kill the dog. I am so going down to Pauls shop on Monday to chat with Leady about this crap. Maybe he can explain it to me in a way so I won't want to kill someone without thinking about the consequences.

Yeah bad joke but with all due respect, inconsequentially go fuck yourself.

Man I actually managed to guess the correct date for this without using a calendar.

Carl would have looked at the 2005 one behind me but thats not really his fault.

ANYWAY...

Due to several revelations regarding our favourite chinese buffet and several domesticated animal corpses I for one am not going to go with the at time of writing plan of action regarding the GDIs annual Christmas Party.

Instead I propose that we pool the money we where going to spend going to said chinese restaurant and instead order in from Pizza Hut and Buy several crates of various beverages and get mashed at my house.

All in favour say "I don't want no fucking cat in my kung po chicken".

Anyone who cannot make it home or doesn't want to go home is welcome to sleep in various parts of the floor/couch/bath/sink/dining table/stay up playing counter strike source all night at my house.

AND THE ABSOLUTE BEST PART OF IT ALL.

I DON'T HAVE TO CLEAN UP AFTERWARDS. ;)

I figure if everyone can chip in at least ten quid it should be good.

Obviously the more the merrier but hey I know some people (this refers to you, yeah you, tight git that you are) wont be willing to spend a hundred and something in one night (fuck,fuck,fuck...fuck) so I think this would actually be a better idea.

Well today Carl had his mobile phone stolen on his way to my house after just hanging up the phone after speaking with me.

Yeah not really his fault but you can imagine the muppetry.

Well today we were walking along Linthorpe Road (Chris, Carl and myself), and Carl managed to walk into an Evening Gazette A-Board and knock it into me.

Yeah this doesn't really compare to some of the other things he has done. But it is still far more 'special' than the normal person could accomplish.

Also tonight Carls parents had a go at Dave and Ollie for taking Carl to a strip club but once it was explained that his dumb stupid ass had fallen asleep in the strip club sat next to the 'pole', man he's a douche.

Well I can now play Half Life 2 on the highest graphical settings and not get any form of jerkiness.

Damn you know I own your noob ass all over the place.

I have not used a graphics card that didn't have the word nVidia somewhere related to it, until today and I must say I am impressed with ATI. Now having not got an extra grand to compare it to the same spec maching running the highest end nVidia card I don't know how they'd compare but I currently am loving Counter Strike : Source in all its wonderous properly rendered glory and do not get me started on how much better Half Life 2 looks with a beast under the bonnet.

Bow before my PCs leetness mortals as I pity your stupidity.

Well today or yesterday something like that everyone but Christopher went out and had a really nice time, why not Christopher 'cos Chris forgot (like the unmitigated smacktard that he is).

First we went to The Purple Onion restaurant where I had filet steak witha peppercorn sauce as my main course and Pollo Chicken Pasta. Very nice. Then someone said we should start properly drinking, so we had some shots then we had some cocktails then Carl started giggling. Twat.

Then we went to a bar where we had a shot and a bottle of VK.

Then Adam and I went to my house so I could get changed and he could leave his jumper there.

By the way we had originally intended going to Rileys Snooker Club.

Adam and I rejoined the rest of the group as they where leaving Walkabout.

Then we went to the Barracuda bar and had a bottle of Reef each.

Then Dave said where going to a bar called Secrets.

Upon entering the bar It became apparent it was actually a strip club.

I believe Carl realised this after getting upstairs and seeing a semi clothed lady dancing around a pole.

Long story short Carl fell asleep in the strip club.

Carl had the first lap dance for a reason which is still unapparent to everyone involved (I imagine if he was pressed regarding the matter he would not actually know what had happened).

Ollie had a dance from almost every girl in there.

Dave got chattting up one of the lasses.

Adam had a lap dance but is unable to remember most of the details (he likened it to a surround sound of boobies).

I had a lap dance.

On the way back Dave took it upon himself to call Simon and explain to him that noone liked him and that he was no longer welcome as part of our group.

Its not that He acts like a cock its that he IS A GIANT COCK HIMSELF.

Ollie decided to call him an hour later and reiterate the point more forcefully.

At the writing of this Dave was still out chatting up someone (best wishes mate).

Adam had writting the word 'cock' on Carls leg.

He had also drawn and writting 'cock' on Ollies arm just around the back so if hes unlucky he won't even know about it until he reads this (Arhaha).

Well I am about to go to bed all in all it was a decent evening apart from the spending too much money aspect of it (I spent ninety five pounds i believe) a good night was had by all and we may be repeating it for New Years celebration.

Summary :

Carl has cock on his leg
Ollie has it on his arm.
Simon is one.
Adam is drawing one.
Chris sucks one.
I'm fine.

In closing Carls an angry sleepless bastard.

Oh Dear God I went to see this movie, DAMN it was a waste of time.

Really just don't go see this film.

It has been quite a while since the last act of muppetry I can honestly remember but it is ten to four in the morning and to be honest we are talking about Carl here oh and Simon of course.

Of course by bringing up the lack of moronic behavior of late I am of course asking for something stupid to occur, I mean heck I can practically feel the disturbance in the farce as I type.

Perhaps the end times are upon us and no more acts of random stupidity can occur.

Damn my blogs gonna suck if that's the case.

I was just sitting around thinking of that 'live every day as if it is your last' quote and other similar things. Trying to decide what I would do if I found out that when I woke up tomorrow I would be dead in twenty four hours is pretty damn funny.

I keep imaging some sort of Schindlers List meats Dawn of the Dead (remake) with a bit of Deep Blue Sea in there (cos I fucking hate sharks) but with muppetry being the cause of all the woe that would befall me.

Damn I just thought what if muppetry was like a virus developed by the Umbrella Corporation and Carl was the Nemesis (would Simon be the woman whose name I cannot remember?) crap I can hear the blackhawks now. Coming to cleanse me of all traces of residual muppetry that I may have contracted.

Of course if the above scenario proved to be accurate then that would mean that somewhere in the possession of someone is an antidote. I say we hunt him down kick his ass and burn the antidote. Then the morons of the world will be stuck like that for all eternity. BWAHAHA.

Is it the parents fault I personally would be tempted to say no.
Is it the education systems fault probably not.
Is it genetics I would hate to think I could have been created stupid as some freak occurrence and I know PLENTY of dumb bastards whose parents are pretty normal and vice-a-versa.

The main problem with any of the above being the root cause for the stupidity which is so prevalent in today's society is that ALL of the above could be corrected.

Would anyone have stopped Hitler killing all the stupid people of the world? Yeah probably. Well eventually at least.

The question is where would you stop. After you had run out of bullets? Well personally I would tell them all that they could appear on a reality TV show that was being held at the centre of a volcano. But most idiots are poor so I doubt unless they lived close to one they would be unable to make it to the destination.

So what kind of practical answer could today's society place on itself to restrict the proliferation of morons. How can we stop each generation from becoming more and more contaminated with stupidity if even smart well to do parents can have fucking smacktards for kids.

At what point in a persons life would we consider that all the effort put into getting them so far was a waste of time energy and much more importantly the limited resources of the world we inhabit.

Don't we owe it to the future generation of out species to not send so many idiots down the line that will not contribute to society (more likely hinder it). Shouldn't someone, somewhere stand up and say "Today it stops, I will not allow you to contaminate the pool of genetics material for out future with you kind of idiocy any more, GET THE FUCK OFF MY PLANET YOU IMBRED SMACKTARD".

Now I know not everyone can be 'Smart' but that's not my point being smart is a big drain on society, research costs, failed experimentation, wasted potential etc. I am more than happy with a society of Mediocrity advancing slowly but steadily through the eons of time. BUT that's not how it is at present for every 'Smart' person there are probably ten 'Mediocre' person but for every mediocre person there are probably ten 'Moronic' persons. This cannot be seen as acceptable. How it should be understood that I may get mugged walking the streets at night purely because ninety percent of the human race would have 'ethical problems' giving up there right to privacy is beyond me.

A camera on every roof top. A GPS device in every person. Hell either method would stop almost all forms of street crime and lets face it if street crime was stopped would nor more people prefer to find honest work in the face of not being able to get away with a crime? That alone would make people smarter.

I am almost (ALMOST) tempted to say that welfare states are to blame for the upbringing of children. Any society that give unemployed persons more money per child has something fundamentally wrong with it. On my visit to China I was told that a family with no children received a deduction to tax, with one child just paid the standard tax, with two children paid higher tax.

If we gave less away we could pay less in tax, crap I guess that only really affects smart people what a damn shame that is, wouldn't the families that don't work see that living beyond there means is a bad idea?

In closing if someone tells you that if you gave up all your rights to privacy and in return you would be unable to be the target of criminals etc what would you choose?

Now imagine they make the same offer for your children and wife, grandparents etc that in exchange for YOU losing all YOUR rights to privacy, they will be protected.
If you can tell me that you wouldn't take the implant I would say you are a far braver person than I am. Personally I would rather live with the knowledge that my child is not ever going to have to worry about being molested by some deranged clown (watch the movie Gacy) and that in return all I have to give up is the ability to either harm another human being or commit a crime without getting caught, well damn I guess I don't love my kids THAT much.

PS I am happy to discuss this kind of issue with anyone as the flaws in it that are obvious to you instantly might not be flaws once looked at fairly.

example : I wouldn't be able to overthrow the evil shadow government running the world. CAN YOU AT THE MOMENT? Yes you can? Why are you still reading this then? It is obvious that you are the main problem.

PPS I don't believe there is an evil shadow government whatever but I am sure someone is going to tell me otherwise. One question before they do however. At what point in the future can you point to a sequence of events that is the equivalent of a win for them?

Carl claims to have a 'girlfriend' that lives in Birmingham called Lisa.

I will upload a picture of Carl and you can mock him whenever you see him in town.

The lyrics to the latest hit single by Carl Aguilera titled Special.


-BEGINS-
-SPOKEN-

Don't look at me

Every day is so wonderful
And suddenly, i saw debris
Now and then, I get insecure
From all the pain, I'm so ashamed

I am 'special' no matter what they say
Words can bring me down
I am 'special' in every single way
Yes, words can bring me down
So Won't you bring me down today

To all your friends, you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Trying hard to fill the emptiness
The piece is gone left the puzzle undone
That's the way it is

You are 'special' no matter what they say
Words can bring you down
You are 'special' in every single way
Yes, words can bring you down
Won't you bring me down today...

No matter what we do
(no matter what we do)
No matter what they say
(no matter what they say)
When the sun is shining through
Then the clouds won't stay


And everywhere we go
(everywhere we go)
The sun won't always shine
(sun won't always shine)
But tomorrow will find a way
All the other times

'cause we are 'special' no matter what they say
Yes, words will bring us down, oh yes
We are 'special' in every single way
Yes, words can bring us down
Won't you bring me down today

Won't you bring me down today
Won't you bring me down today

-ENDS-

Just in case you are a complete spanner and have been unable to guess this is to be sung to the tune of 'Wild Thing' by the Beach Boys ;)

PS Dumbass

GDC, GDL, GDS, GDF.

I've just set up my new Blog, to house the Bad Film Review section.

You can find the Blog at http://www.muppetryinmotion.blogspot.com

Enjoy!

p.s. As soon as I find out how, I'll invite contributors. Any clues as to how I do that?

I have no idea what it is called but theres a picture of a vase that has no defined outside or inside and I have no idea what it is called I originally thought that it was called an Infinite Vase but that doesn't appear to be the case.

Anyone find out what it is leave me a comment will ya.

Unfortunately there is not a site at that address. Oh how I wish that there was, Maybe someday you will be able to go there and see live video feeds of my local morons in their natural habitat.

Until then i present the official song for National Muppet Week.

Muppetry Abounds

Due to recent changes, the GodDamn Corporation is closing down...to be replaced by GodDamn Corporation International!

GodDamn International sued us for stealing their name. But after showing the judge our files on GDC, he ruled more in our favour. GDL settled the arguement.

In light of this change, G.D.C.I. are launching a new product, GDL 2.0.

This program is now compatible with GDC 7.0, and comes free with PhotoStrop and WhingeZip.

GDL 2.0 increases the sulking time, allows greater volume and doubles the cluelessness.

Sadly, GDL 2.0 will still not work with Poker2004, and tends to breakdown during Magic games.


GodDamn Corporation International

www.muppetryinmotion.com

I went to the recruitment agency and they have given me a job interview for Vodafone at the Garlands building in Middlesbrough tommorow at half one. So in the mean while I need to practice tying ties.

Well this issue of God Damn Carl is regarding his current employment status. He has handed in his CV to several offices and has had no good responses yet alas.

He has also applied at Adecco but not receieve a response yet.

So hopefully he and I will both have jobs in the non too distant future.

I have a job interview today with a recruitment agency called ADecco to work in call centres.

With good luck I will have a job by next Monday.

I actually told the guy over the phone why I got fired and he was ok with it he said some people are just born tits.

Have they stopped making Family Guy. It's one of my favourite television shows if only for such amazingly tasteless lines like, "You can lie to women, they're not people like you and me". If they have indeed cancelled Family Guy I will be dissapointed but hey these things happen and I will just have to make do with my memories and box sets.

Damn this is sweet. Its a brilliant addition to anyones collection of games and as its included free with Half Life 2. NO ONE SHOULDN'T OWN IT.

-Subliminal messaging begins-
Buy Half Life 2
-Subliminal messaging ends---

Anyhoo to the screenshot.




Damn that is going to sting

Advert Spot:

Do you want your lamp broken, your computer used for god-knows-what or to be fired for unbelievable reasons?

Well then, try our new service: GDL. It comes complete with stupid lies, non-stop bitching and constant muppetry.

Intense mocking is necessary before GDL can be installed.


GodDamn Corporation

Coping with muppets, because you shouldn't have to.

Today I, David J Sykes, cooked in my own flat by myself... BACON SANDWICHES. Oh yeah thats right now when I want a bacon sandwhich I can do it myself.

PS while this may not sound like much I have been in my flat like four months and have only 'cooked' twice. Rest of the times its been microwaved or take away.

Hotmail finally did what they have been talking about doing and upped free email accounts to two hundred and fifty megabytes of storage each.

I am not entirely sure when this happened but I noticed today that the bar with the % full was at 1% out of 250MB so I assume it was fairly recent the change.

Whether this will actually be able to compete with GMail when that becomes available remains to be seen.

Near the end of the game the Gravity Gun gets improved exponentially for those of you who doubt the word of Adam, ie FOOLS, the new version is immense and if I can find a way to cheat and have it at the start of the game I will be laughing.

PS Suck it up get an F on some homework and finish the game you pansies.

Today we cooked for four people using :
twenty four rashers of bacon

one dozen eggs
one loaf of bread<
one tin (we bought two but one was enough) of baked beans

cooking oil
one frying pan
one milk pan
one microwave
one big ass plastic bowl
two forks
one knife
one teaspoon
salt
black pepper
mixed herbs

Step One :

Burn Bacon



Step Two :
Scramble Egg ( yes I know it looks bad but it was very nice)



Step Three :

Heat Some Beans



Step Four :

Serve in a tasteful manner



Voila Breakfast for four.

Well I just finished Half Life 2 and damn it was good. Damn Good.

In a word

Sweet

Totally Sweet

If you didn't buy it already go buy it now.

One word describes this game :

Sweet

No other words come close.

Buy this game.

Hail Valve.

May the gravity gun be with you always.

No idea how far I am through the game but I am into something like my tenth hour of Half Life 2 and about two hours of Counter Strike 2.

I only have one complaint. Steam. You rat bastards Valve. Why did you have to force this sometimes monstrosity upon the masses.

However long you have been waiting for Half Life 2 quit your bitching and go buy it as soon as you can.

All the parts I thought I would be rubbish at, all the puzzles, the zombies etc. All seem natively intuitive to me now. I can look at the dodgiest looking puzzle in this game and not get stuck.

My best part so far was the entire boat thingy sequence. Least favourite part those damn Sand Ants / Lions whatever they're called piss me off something chronic.

Scrap that best part is the physics, the game engine just makes you want to sit and stare for a good half hour. The set pieces are brilliant. Someone somewhere is gonna bitch about how linear the game is. I know they are because one of my friends did. I tried to explain how non linear works for games like Morrowind the main point being the non linearity. But for games like Half Life 2 you don't feel confined into one path even though you are. You almost always pick the right turn, choose the right switch, know that the last battert is under the bathtub without lifting everything up to open the gates so you can get your car through.

I don't know whether any review anywhere will ever do this game justice, but the first person who complains about it to me in person is getting a good hard bitch slappin' like they deserve.

Any game with the kind of requirements that this game has and looks so beautiful even on those low settings deserves some form of special recognition everywhere. I would like to meet the reviewers who gave this game scores like 97% and 98% to ask what a game would have to do to get those extra few percent.

To put it in perspective I beleive that the game Dawn Of War received the same score as Half Life 2 did in the same magazine, I cannot remember which one but I will ask around to try and find out, if Dawn Of War is as good as Half Life 2 then shouldn't I have been as addicted to it as I am to Half Life 2? I mean twelve hours in Dawn Of War would put me through the entire single player campaing and quite a few skirmishes but the enjoyment from outwitting a computer opponent on Dawn Of War pales in comparison to the first time you realise that the gravity gun can grab the 'Man Hats' (spinning things that fly at you) and then you can shoot them at other ones OR use them as a chain saw. Holding a sentry gun in front of you so you can drop it on the ground for that extra bit of fire power. Using the Ant Lion Sand Dog things as Mine Sweepers. Realing that the gravity gun is the single most brilliant idea anyone ever came up with and that you need a real one bad. The first time you crush someone whos coming up the stairs after you with a well pulled chest of drawers. The first time you grab one of the silver rolling ball magnet things and throw it over the horizon (yes with the grav gun). The first time you see the glint in one of your comrades eyes. The first time you hear the graveley broken voice of G-Man.

Never will gaming be the same. If Half Life was the bar Half Life 2 just put the bar into orbit (probably using the grav gun).

One last thing,

Grav Fun.

Oh yes I went there.

Must go to sleep now. I wonder do Half Life players dream of head crabs?

how do dave why tommorow and also try and get matty to do the ninja mask it would look sweet and also i can access this stuff from the college so i can post stuff and read all your stupid crap (ie tacos)

Well tommorow (today now) is Half Life 2 Release day (damn six and a half hours to go).

Anyway I'll be buying it at nine in the morning at Game in Middlesbrough. I doubt anyone will be buying it at the same time as me.

Theres going to be a get together at my flat again tommorow so I was thinking of cooking tacos. I like tacos, and they're not really an English dish at all. This would be the second time I had 'properly' cooked in my flat. So hopefully I'll get the stuff in, and then we'll have a fiesta :)

Reasons for the gathering :

Christphers' 18th birthday
Poker
Alchohol
Tacos (hopefully)
Cigars (maybe)
Insulting Christopher
Insulting Carl

HALF LIFE 2 RELEASE DAY YEEEAHHHH

This is Matty at about half ten in the morning on Saturday. He had stayed up all night playing Enemy Territory cos he has one of those massively compulsive personalities and cannot resist anything.

He still hadn't had any sleep by the time his three in the afternoon eight hour shift at BT started.

;)

Chocolate brioche damn this stuff kicks ass. You can literally inhale these babies. For Saturday I bought four packs of them and each contains (contained) eight chocalate chip brioche as modelled by Matty. There where only seven people at my house on Saturday and all of the brioche went in about half an hour.

Oh yeah and we ordered Pizza Hut again. Five times this week. God Damn Carl.

This is Carl (I hope his names spelt like that and not like Karl). We spent a few months convincing him to refer to himself in the third person as Kiddie. Well when I say we I mean myself. This is by far the best profile photo I have taken so far. Still not got the hang of digital cameras.

This is a newish pizza from Pizza Hut. So far we've had it three times in the past four days. So we're stopping ordering from Pizza Hut for a while.

The pizza is fucking class however.

This is a picture of Chris being hit in the face by a ball of air and the flash from my new Camera. The room was completely dark apart from my cameras double flash.

Unfortunately the shot of simon didnt come out I got the top corner of the door, but in my own defense I couldn't see the fool.

This is the AirZooka. It is being modeled by Adam. The box said that it was supposed to be a green version but hey this looks class still.

Weve had hours of fun so far. Adam has discovered that he can burp into the AirZooka and propel the contents across about ten feet.

The reason being this gun fires a ball of air that can be directed using the sights.

In closing the AirZooka is CLASS.

Damn this song rocks. Bowling for Soup may be one of my favourite bands; Girl All the Bad Guys Want rocked. Theres another song that I cannot remember the title for but I think it's something like Mary (it's Emily).

Unfortunately liking three songs across two albums isn't that big a deal, I mean I can do it with Britney Spears ffs. Easily ;)

Yes my taste in music sucks SOMETIMES, but in my own defence fuck you.

This is a picture of a choclate biscuit that Chris left in my fridge. I intend to hold it to ransom until the bastard stops sleeping with ho's.

You have one week to comply with my demands or the bingo gets it.

Today I cooked in my new flat, properly (ie no microwave involved), and I made spaghetti bolognese. It wasn't bad at all really and seemed to take less time to cook than the half hour it was, this was probably helped by the fact I was talking with Christopher while I was cooking.

The meal would have been nicer except I left the garlic bread on board the train :( but I had parmesan cheese ;)

The weekend that has just ended I went down to Doncaster to spend the weekend at my sisters house. My sister from London also came up with her boyfriend whom I haven't met before. It was a really nice time and I came back on Sunday (well today at the moment). I have never had such a horrific train journey in years. My first train was late, there was a derailment near Doncaster so I had to go Middlesbrough-Darlington-York-Leeds-Doncaster which damn well sucked. On the way back I managed to do Doncaster-Darlington-Middlesbrough which would be the normal route. However my connection from Darlington-Middlesbrough was delayed by forty minutes, and damn me Darlington is one boring ass place to try and kill forty minutes.

I actually saw this movie twice. Once because I went with friend to see it (bitching followed). The second time I saw it I was just outside London and needed to kill two hours on a Sunday. It was raining so I thought hey lets go see whats on at the cinema. Pearl Harbour was the only showing for an hour. So I bought my ticket, popcorn and drink and tried to not be bored. I failed. Miserably. Carl level failiure. Chris taste in clothing failiure. If anyone ever managed to watch this movie twice and wasn't so bored they left please leave a post. Please don't post unless your IQ is over 99 as we already know why you enjoyed it twice.

In the past carl has done many toolish things yes toolish

One of the main acts of toolishness was while he was in the Army cadets. He was in the water doing an activity with canoes, he was actualy underwater at the time, and when he came up he was facing the wrong way. This meant that he did not see the how shall we say big canoe heading towards him that canoe then hit him square in the back.

IN THE BACK

He went down like a sack of shit and ended up in hospital for 2 weeks.

On the same trip with the Army Cadets one of the Territorial Army members (think National Guard if ur a yank) empty blank rounds into his armpit.
HIS ARMPIT.
he said it was because he was so well camouflaged, but we think otherwise as the evidence sugests he is a TOOOOOL

He has also manages to trip over inanamate objects, such as the fire extinguisher in Daves flat.
He has slipped on a monkey bar and done his back in, two weeks in hospital.
He has broke a toe playing basket ball because the ball hit his toe as he kicked it, two weeks in hospital AGAIN!

He has also done many other toolish things that I don't know about

He is a Tool Master.

HE JUST TRIPPED OVER SOMETHING IN DAVES FLAT A-FUCKING-GAIN!!! AS I FUCKING TYPE! FUCKING TOOL.

Pain is a track by a group called Four Star Mary. The reason I found this song was in my long quest to get a copy of the Buffy The Vampire Slayer (BTVS from now on) musical episodes album. I came across a BTVS album but nor for the musical. Decided to have a listen and I really liked this track, I have never heard any other music by this band and this is the first and only time I have come across a reference of the band without looking on Google.

Which reminds me I can't wait for GMail to be released to the public. I know of several people who are lucky enough to be in the trial run for it (aka GITS) and its looks pretty damn sweet.

Today I got a phone number off Carl to apply for a job at Barclays bank.

It was the wrong number. The kind person on the other end of the phone gave me the right number and asked who had given me the wrong number. I said Carl Atherton. ;) aint I a bitch.

Addendum : Carl gave the same number to another friend of mine Awesome Ninja Matty.

Today Carl was at my flat with the rest of the gang. His phone started ringing so he raced to answer it getting someone to move off a chair. Understand stepping over the chair would take about three seconds and would be fairly easy for anyone apart from minime (from Austin Powers) to accomplish. Not for Carl he decided to step up onto the chair and across to another chair. Carl is about six feet tall and my house has ceilings about eight feet tall maximum, he decided to hop across to another chair and hit a beam that extends about four inches out of my ceiling with his forehead.

His toolachlorians saved him from dying by allowing him to stay standing and not just drop middle of back first into the corner of my table.

Damn toolachrlorians.

Im waiting for my ceiling to collapse in shame.

I got sacked on Wednesday. It wasn't official until Thursady not that it really matters at some point I'll post the main cause as to why I got sacked but not right now suffice to say BT will give me a good reference anyway so I'm happy.

Gotta go job hunting on Monday though.

Damn Dogs.

I forgot to mention that I have removed Carl from my list of contributors due to his lack of common decency. Such as using MY ACCOUNT to give himself admin rights.

Me : Why Carl?
Carl : I needed to edit a post
Me :

I dont honestly know if he thinks I'm a fool but I know he is.

# posted by David @ 01:46 0 comments

Today well yesterday now Carl manage to break one of my chairs which wasn't actually mine it was on loan from Adam's parents. How did he manage to break it I hear you ask. One word 'Toolaclorians'. Think of having a super power of being the most moronic being on the planet apart from you understand the insults that where sent your way (mainly because they are explained to you but hey).

He used his doyle powers to turn in my a chair and buckle Yes BUCKLE one of the legs. Now I wouldn't go so far as to say Carl is fat (other people would) but these where metal legs. I mean jeez what kinda tension does a steel chair leg need to be under to buckle because you're turning in it.

I know I know it is somehow possible that their are greater forces at work. Maybe God hates Carl (I know I do) or maybe hes being punished for something he's destined to fuck up later in life (I hope not cos it's would be the biggest cock-up resulting in untold casulties probably in the high billions).

Several friends of mine have been asking me to retro-actively add past screw ups but I wasn't there so I won't comment. I can fully imagine that he has done everything they say so I'll try and get them to add their comments on here at some point in the not too distant future.

In closing I'd just like to say Stop Lying!

Pedantic : narrowly, stodgily, and often ostentatiously learned.

Oh hell yeah I never realised that the full meaning of pedantic was so suited to me.

I am Pedantic Fuck Man.

I have the power of correct spelling and grammar ;)

Pedantic Fuck Man whups tar outta Labrador Boy and Muppet Man (Carl). When labrador figures out who he is I'll post his real name on here.

Some people just cannot get a hint no matter how many times you rephrase something. A perfect example of this is one of my friends who will be referred to as labrador. He is a really quite annoying piece of work sometimes. No one can explain to him for me why I don't really want him around but suffice to say he's a fucking tool.

This is the story of my first night in my new flat in Middlesbrough.

I was having problems sleeping as I did not have a quilt pillow or sheets so I was using two towels and a t-shirt (t-shirt beeing my pillow) and in my lounge where Carl and Chris who where sleeping on my couches.

It got to seven in the morning and I still hadn't had even the slightest bit of sleep so I decided to stretch my legs by having a walk around my flat.

I arrived in my lounge and after looking out my window turned to leave when I noticed Carl's head was protuding from my couch. After looking at his stupid face for a few seconds I realised that I could knee him in the face AND turn myself into a peoples elbow to the crotch. I actually started laughing and went back to bed with a smile on my face sleeping until just after one in the afternoon.

When I woke up I regaled this tale to Chris who preceded to laugh his ass off. When Carl woke up Chris started to tell him but couldn't stop laughing so I ended up telling him.

Carl's response.

"As soon as your knee had hit me in the face (yes that was IN THE FACE) I would be up and kickin' your ass"

I looked at Chris. Chris looked at me. Chris looked at Carl and said "what?", "how would you?"

Carl explained how.

I started laughing as did Chris. This has now been a joke for almost as long as Carl has. Anytime someone mentions knees Carl ends up being the brunt of some mokage.

Hence my nomination for Carl as first Moronarch of the British Isles.

Whos with me.

Meet girl on my lunch break talk for fifteen minutes get invited to her seventeenth birthday party which happens to be in six hours time

Rip jeans stylishly

Gel hair with products found in Daves bathroom this was before the hair cut so yes I did look pretty damn lame

Arrive at party

Sleep with said girl at said party after having spent no more than two hours talking with her

Wake up at half past four in the morning saying "damn Dave was right" (this refers to myself telling Chris that he shouldn't sleep with said ho)

Call Dave later that day

Tell Dave he was right

Be mocked like the tool I am

-Christopher Robinson

I just installed America Online on my pc to see if there was anyway of cancelling my account as the last 3 times I have called the queues been too long to get through on my break at work and It is not free to call them from my mobile.

Anyway long story short, AOL sucks more today than at any other point in history. Why you ask?

...why indeed.

Me : Id like to cancel my account please
Advisor : Any particular reason why youd like to cancel today
Me : Well I havent used AOL since June
Advisor : So you havent. I can give you an extra month free if you would like
Me : No
Advisor : It would give you time to tell friends your email address change etc
Me : I never used my AOL email for anything
Advisor : Ok but would you still like the free month
Me : Ok...I really would like
Advisor : Thankyou for calling AOL
Phone : Beep
Me : Son of a bitch

So Ill be calling AOL again tommorow around about 1030, while I am on my break at BT. The only good side I can see is I have had AOL membership for 6 months without paying anything so I guess Im getting nothing for nothing which I think any company offers anyway but not quite as enthuisiastically as AOL does.

In closing AOL rules if you dont want anything at all. Or you just want sub par dialup access at the low cost of nothing other than the time it takes to get through to an advisor once a month, so your soul and bodily life force.

Damn Im getting screwed here I just know I am.

Finally got one of my friends from my home town of Wakefield called Andrew to start playing Enemy Territory and he likes it now. What a bastard.

This site has three new members they are Carl Atherton, Adam McConnel and Simon Swinbank. You may have read my post about Carl earlier and Ill do posts about Adam and Simon in the future. Of course I still have my admin rights to erase any mention they may make about myself ;)

Also the site now has a counter which will hopefully work as the last one didnt. It should be visible to the left of the page.

www.villainsupply.com this website is a kickass little website which basically has fake products for sale (I hope) which some items i would very much like to buy for use on the unsuspecting scumbags of Middlesbrough. These items include but are not limited to; the six pack of ninja shurikens in various styles, the gauss gun that removes the users face, and the small budget plan rail gun installation. All in all i must say SWEET.

Red Vs Blue Is a web comic set in the world of Halo, a video game which is also pretty sweet, that is well worth checking out at home download a couple of the episodes and try to download a copy of the New York episode it features my favourite line in anything.

Red Vs Blue is currently into its third season and hopefully there will be many more especially with the soon to be released Halo 2 providing an even larger potential cast. PS buy the DVDs of the entire seasons you dont know how long this will be around.

"Oh yeah well i hope you get raped... TWICE" -Sarge (Red Vs Blue)

Enemy Territory is another absolutely class freeware game that is admittedly online only and you really do need a good high-speed connection in order to get the most out of the game but its well worth the download. Basically youre either an axis or an allies player and you work with the other members of your team to either defend a group of objectives or take the objectives. There are five different classes and you should try all of them until you find the one for you however the medic is a very good starting class.

Download this game and give it a try. Its a nice break from the frantic blastemup that is Quake and its ilk and isnt as prohibitve towards new players as Counter Strike so give it a go its well worth a try.

"God Damn Carl!" blame anything that goes wrong in your life on this man because chances are it is actually his fault. Anyway Carls looking for a job at the moment he has an interview in the near future so update when i found out the outcome.

He was fired from his previous job due to some "fraudulent issues" and his last interview he was turned down :( alas. Ill try and get a picture of him that wont be deemed offensive, hopefully one of the ones we took while we where playing 'Buckaroo' on him while drawing a giant cock on one of his arms, the cock was gonna stretch round his back and down the other arm with the balls being drawn on his hand.

Carl was recently described as the most moronic of the group recently. This group included such illustrious candidates for moronarchy as Carl, Christopher and Simon. So it was a pretty close race.

Chris is one of my friends up here in Middlesbrough (ok friend might be pushing it) anyway Ive decided to keep a log of his acts of debauchery and muppetry that has and will occur on a regular basis. Im going to title this section "Memoirs of a Tool".

Firstly lets start with Chris' hair. He used to have spikes that where several inches in lenghth and recently decided to have them cut shorter as I (the man with no taste) have been telling him to do so for the past month or so, since having them cut shorter people have been telling him that he looks less "gay", which im sure is nice for Chris. Getting his hair cut isn't gonna stop me.

Next time I'll post about the 6 hours he spent getting to know someone "special".

www.nuklearpower.com is perhaps one of the greatest comics available on the internet. Theres a bunch of stuff you wont understand unless you played either the early Final Fantasy Games or some form of D&D based game. However its well worth a read just for the fact that it has over 400 comics available to read for free and it has never been blocked by any internal system I have used over the last couple of yeears. Particularily brilliant is the idea of sword-chucks.

www.lf2.net is the homepage for possibly one of the best "Free" games of all time.

It is a 2 dimensional side scrolling beat em up that is one of the best beat em ups I have ever played either commercial or free, back in my college days we used to gather at my house and sit two of us on the keyboard and one on the gamepad and beat the crap out of the at the time two stages of five levels each, I believe its upto five stages each with five levels now, for a good hour at least. Then we'd beat the crap outta each other on the versus mode for another good hour. And then John would get annoyed about me and Andrew "ganging up on him" so hed get all pissy about it. This is common of every game we have ever played together that has any form of competetive mode.

This brings me to funny stories of John I will be typing up over the next few days. But right now I am going to bed as I have to be at work in seven hours.

Download the game

www.gamehippo.com is a site I discovered a few years ago and check out anythime im bored at home or anywhere i can get access to a computer for any lengthy period of time. The site is a collection of freeware games that are available for download over the internet with links from the website. The games are reviewed and are given a score out of ten. I recommend the Liero series for anyone who liked the Worms series of games before it went a bit strange.

My Father(Gerald) and his second wife (Diana) came to visit me here in Middlesbrough on the Sunday that has just passed, we went to have lunch at TGI Fridays, at the Teeside Business Park, which recently changed its menu so had lots of new foods to choose from so of course I had the Jack Daniels baby back ribs again for about the dozenth time I never seem to have anything different. We had starters so I opted for the half-rack as opposed to the full-rack option the ciabatta garlic bread with chesse is pretty damn nice as is the new onion rings they do for starters.

The ribs where as good as usual ;)

My Father and his wife are presently vacationing while his house is being renovated I believe theyre leaving for tenerife at 0730 tommorow going for a week.

I had been hoping to go to visit them in their new apartment in the Caymans for New Years but alas you may have read about a small tropical storm which practically destroyed the island. Luckily the building is fine but theres no power/water so the builders cant continue their work until the utilities on the island are back in operation.

My father visited the island shortly after the storm and apparently the island was a mess. A graveyard which had been sighted on one of the beaches had been dug up by the waves and the corpses had floated down the main high street on the island, crap knows what kind've contamination that would do to the local water supplies but im only drinking bottled next time i go down. Anyway he only stopped for three days after he checked a few things out and found out that everything that he and Diana had in storage was destroyed and that his car (the most disgusting travesty to automobiles since the beetle old and new) had been flooded, and would no longer work whereas one of his friends on the island one Pastor Al had his car washed away and his 4x4s engine was flooded.

Hopefully the trip to Tenerife will go better.

I recently started my first job working for BT through an agency called manpower, which is quite sweet that someone has hired me for any kind of job. I had to go through a training course which lasted a total of three weeks, which was followed by a three week "consolidation" period which is basically the job I would be doing but with people to answer any questions and help me do anything I didnt know how to do.

Working for BT can be quite surreal as all our customers "know" that were rubbish to some degree whether the opinion is justified or not, by the way were the daddies of the British Telecommunications industry, hence the name British Telecom. Anyway basically i get to tell business customer how much they owe and when they need to pay by and how sorry BT is that we cut their line off as we hadnt received their payment ontime never mind the fact that they where rubbish enough to pay not days but weeks after they where supposed to and somehow that is our fault.

So Im going to post anything interesting that goes on while im at work. Like the fire alert that we evacuated for that was due to some burnt toast, which was preceeded a few days earlier by the fire alert regarding dust that had been disturbed in the basement.

That reminds me BTs Dundas Centre located in Middlesbrough has the classest security guard, if you ever get to talk to him pay very careful attention and try and pick up the hidden messages he seems to hide into anything.

Anyhoo im gonna go get a shower.

Im not a big music lover I dont pride myself on my cd collection. I dont always buy the albums for music i download. I never buy the albums for the music I download and dont keep. However on the basis of one song I am buying the Motion City Soundtrack album that has a track called "My Favourite Accident" on it. Its a track featured in the game "Burnout 3" which is something Ill talk about in a future post in more detail. This song is so amazing in my own opinion that ive got my friends sick off it already, yes I am one of those play a song until I am sick of it kinda guys, and ive only had it on my PC since the end of September.

Btw this might not be a good recommendation for some as my taste in music as in most things is about as poor as a "a blind tone deaf Jimmy Saville" courtesy of Wiesel ;). And thats probably a pretty accurate description.

Blue Duck